Life is Complicated

I'm going to be brutally honest because that's sometimes how you got to be to explain something. I feel too messed up sometimes to feel like I deserve anything. Why? I don't know really. Certain things in my life have left me feeling like I have a million tiny cuts on the inside. Some of them have turned to scars but most are still bleeding and at times, it feels as if I am starting to drown. This may not be apparent to people, but how can you truly understand what goes on within someone? You just can't really. All this stuff becomes more real when I am in a bad mood. I can't help but think that sometimes I want to get people's attention....to not just be in the background but front and center...like someone that someone else thinks matters. Someone that isn't an afterthought or the omega wolf or the last knotch on the totem pole. Instead of a daisy that's overlooked, I want to be a rose. Roses are seldomly overlooked. Roses have something about them that daisies don't. I mean do people ever thoughtfully give out daisies for Valentines Day? Even if so, what would the recipient think? We all know what that thought would be. People will always choose roses. My whole life has been in a daisy kind of way. I don't know if this is a clear analogy but i think it perfectly describes the way i feel sometimes. Of coarse I don't feel like this every single second, but it is an underlying feeling that surfaces up every now and then. Needless to say, it keeps getting reinforced. Life is complicated. It's as simple and complex as that.